Opinion By Okalebo
The vibrant Kasilo Cattle Market buzzes with activity, as food vendors line the dusty thoroughfare. Abruptly, a polished SUV with tinted windows comes to a screeching stop, sending plumes of red dust into the air. The Honorable Mzee Otimong emerges, dressed in an impeccably tailored suit that likely exceeds the annual earnings of many local residents.
Mzee Otimong (raising his voice and gesturing): “Beloved citizens of Kasilo! Your savior has arrived!”
He strides through the market, accompanied by imposing bodyguards who clear a path through the crowd.
Villager 1: “Honorable, it has been a while since we last saw you. Our roads remain ___”
Mzee Otimong (interrupting): “Ah, my esteemed friend! Your roads? Consider them addressed! I have just finalized an agreement to transform this dirt path into a magnificent 4-lane superhighway!”
Villager 1 (perplexed): “But sir, we only require a basic ___”
Mzee Otimong: “Nonsense! Aim high! Now, who desires a genuine, imported t-shirt printed with my face on it?”
He tosses inexpensive t-shirts into the throng as villagers scramble to catch them.
Villager 2: “Honorable, our clinic is devoid of medicine. My child is unwell and ___”
Mzee Otimong (placing his hand dramatically on his heart): “Oh, the plight of our children! My heart aches for them. Do not worry! I shall construct not one, but five state-of-the-art hospitals for you!”
Villager 2: “Sir, we only require the essentials ___”
Mzee Otimong: “Essentials? I do not settle for essentials! I am bringing in Swiss medical professionals, German technology, and American medication!”
He produces a bundle of cash and begins distributing small denominations.
Mzee Otimong: “A little something to alleviate your concerns, yes? Remember, supporting Otimong means supporting progress!”
Villager 3: “What about our educational facilities? The roof of the primary school fell in last month.”
Mzee Otimong (eyes widening): “Fell in? How fortunate! This gives us the opportunity to construct a grand university instead! Complete with a football stadium and an Olympic-sized swimming pool!”
Villager 3: “But our children are struggling with basic literacy…”
Mzee Otimong (laughing heartily): “Literacy is overrated! In the new Uganda, we will communicate through telepathy!”
A group of farmers approaches with caution.
Farmer: “Honorable, the drought has devastated our crops. We require irrigation systems.”
Mzee Otimong: “Crops? How charming! I will convert your farms into a vast water park! Imagine the tourism potential!”
Farmer (bewildered): “But… how will we sustain ourselves?”
Mzee Otimong: “Consume? My esteemed friend, upon my re-election, you will amass such wealth that you will procure your meals from Café Javas!”
He then noticed a group of women transporting water jugs.
Mzee Otimong: “Ah, the foundation of our community! Ladies, discard those jugs. When I am re-elected, I shall ensure that tap water is delivered right to your doorsteps.”
Before any other question could be asked, Mzee Otimong dashed off…leaving behind a cloud of confusion and the market still echoing his unfinished sentence about “tap water.”