Ojok: Hey God, I know you are swamped with all the chaos in the world, but if I could snag a minute—maybe twelve—I really need to talk about… my situation. It is pretty urgent.
God: I am all ears, my child. What is weighing on your heart?
Ojok: Weighing? Let us kick things off with 2024. My resume for this year says: no job, no partner, no kids. If misery were a World Cup event, Uganda would take home the gold and I would be the head coach.
God: Every path has its hurdles. Haven’t you found strength in these tough times?
Ojok: Strength? I have just gotten skinnier, Lord. Have you checked the price of meat lately? A kilo costs more than my dignity. And landlords have mastered the art of knocking just when I am pretending to be asleep.
God: Hmm. And what about love? Surely, have you looked for companionship?
Ojok: Love? In this economy? Even love requires resources, and boda-boda fares are through the roof! The last time I asked someone out, she wanted to know if I would cover the date bill in dollars or South Sudanese pounds. Lord, you created the universe, did you also create inflation?
God: Inflation is a human creation, not mine. But please, continue.
Ojok: Thank you. So, regarding the “no child” situation… Let us be real. Even if I had a child, what would I feed them? Air or popcorn? The only things that seem to be growing around here are potholes and schools. Ha! They are charging fees like they are selling real estate in Buziga.
God: But surely, you have faith. Faith can move mountains, can it not?
Ojok: Faith? Oh, I have got plenty of that. Faith that Bank of Uganda will recover the 60 billion lost in 60 seconds. Faith that the power will cut out right in the middle of an MTN Mobile Money transaction. Faith that Ugandan politicians will promise during elections but deliver… well, you know how it goes. Faith is the only thing we Ugandans can have without a tax.
God: You have faced many challenges, my child. Tell me, what do you hope for in 2025?
Ojok: Alright, listen up. First on my list: a job. I am not asking for Elon Musk money but just something that pays before I am too old to enjoy it. Next, a wife. Ideally, one who will not run for the hills when I mention sharing the bills. And lastly, if it is not too much to ask, some rain that does not bring landslides floods…and sunshine that does not feel like punishment.
God: That sounds reasonable. But keep in mind, my timing is always perfect. Have faith in me.
Ojok: Faith? With all due respect, Lord, I have been trusting you since 1996, and all I have received is a lifetime of challenges. Can’t you at least offer a trial run for prosperity? Just one month?
God: Your candor is delightful. Alright, I will open new opportunities for you in 2025. But you must step forward with bravery and resolve.
Ojok: Thank you, Lord. I will do my part. But please, no more “patience tests.” I am on the verge of becoming a motivational speaker, and we both know what that entails.
God: Go in peace, my child. And remember, faith without action is like a boda without fuel.
Ojok: Amen to that. Amen to that.