By Arron Okalebo
Radio Host: Good evening, Uganda! Welcome to the Hot Seat, where we engage with the nation’s most distinguished leaders. This evening, we are joined by the esteemed Minister of Empty Promises, Mzee Odipo, alongside a special guest from Zombo, 26-year-old goat herder turned urban resident, Jakisa.
Minister Odipo: Thank you, thank you! It is a delight to be here, sharing the positive developments of our remarkable nation!
Jakisa: Positive developments? More like setbacks…!
Minister Odipo: What was that, young man? Please, speak clearly! In Uganda, every voice matters!
Jakisa: I said, where is this progress, honorable minister? In my village, we are still waiting for the tarmac road you promised five years ago.
Minister Odipo: Ah, but you must understand, my young friend, that great things take time! We are diligently working to bring development to every part of Uganda. Just the other day, I inaugurated a cutting-edge murram road… to my village house!
Jakisa: How impressive! I am sure your German shepherd has a mansion too. Meanwhile, in Zombo, we are still reliant on paraffin lamps.
Minister Odipo: (nervously chuckling) Now, now, let us not dwell on trivial matters. Focus on the broader vision, my friend! We are generating jobs across the nation!
Jakisa: Jobs? The only position I have secured in Kampala is as a car wash attendant around Parliamentary Avenue for affluent individuals who wish to avoid waiting at government offices.
Minister Odipo: You see? That is innovation! It embodies the Ugandan spirit! We are establishing entirely new sectors!
Jakisa: Indeed, very innovative. Almost as innovative as your new mansion that seemingly appeared overnight. How many jobs did that create, honorable minister?
Minister Odipo: (clearing his throat) Well, um… Let us discuss our impressive new road infrastructure around the country!
Jakisa: Oh, you mean the roads with potholes so large that we have started charging entry fees and referring to them as swimming pools?
Minister Odipo: Now, young man, you must understand the effort we put into our work. Just last month, I dedicated two weeks to a crucial conference in Dubai… um, I mean, a significant event focused on poverty alleviation!
Jakisa: Poverty alleviation? The only thing being diminished is the money from our national treasury. Even the rodents in Parliament are lamenting the lack of funds to pilfer!
Minister Odipo: How could you say such a thing! I assure you that every single shilling is meticulously accounted for!
Jakisa: Is that so? Then perhaps that is why your suit likely costs more than the total annual income of my entire village?
Minister Odipo: This suit? It’s… it’s a contribution! From a very benevolent taylor at Kiyembe!
Jakisa: A contribution? Similar to the “contributions” that mysteriously appear in offshore accounts?
Radio Host: (interjecting) This has certainly been an enlightening conversation. We will take a short commercial break and return shortly.